nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
