I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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