with your own penis?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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