I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
