Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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