then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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