I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
