3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize