Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
