took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
