Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We have started to decorate penises.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
