im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
