I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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