I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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