If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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