Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
