a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
