so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
