Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
