i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
