you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
