this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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