What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
