We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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