$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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