Duck Duck Cougar?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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