I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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