not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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