Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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