Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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