Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
