remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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