I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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