Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
