Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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