I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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