I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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