I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
try to milk me bitch
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