I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
