Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
