i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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