worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
