just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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