and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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