I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
