no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
