She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
