I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
