Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
