I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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