Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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