My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
