I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My pussy is not your playground.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
