is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
