I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize