Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
