shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
