and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
