I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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