I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
