Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
