i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
