Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
