My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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