Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
