I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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