so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
